Monday, May 27, 2013

W.C.P posse

             
   W.C.P (taken from an article  in pirate weekly magazine may 20012)

  W.C.P- "west coast pirates", the ruffist, tuffist, seamen gang on the west coast of Canada, brutalizing mussel shells all over the gulf islands, terrorizing bull kelp, and crabs, leaving trails of barnacle blood every where.

  W.C.P is becoming one of the largest pirate gangs, 

on the west coast, not including the east coast, "where life expectancy, isn't that high", and theirs no real life out there anyway.

  So why are people joining the gang?, fronted by "pirates guide to alternative yachting", unto witch is gangs bible, And where the gang gets its, codes of conduct from, and created the method to there madness.
  Most of the gang members iv talked to, stated they joined because they like beer, and W.C.P promotes beer, beer and pot.

  this is what one of the higher ranking officers said during an interview in feb of 2012, his name was with held, for fear of oakbay marina recognizing him, for outstanding moorage, witch, avoiding dock fees, is the biggest part of the gangs operation, costing marinas millions, maybe even trillions, of hard earned high class marina dollars.
(interview):
Q (pirates weekly magazine)-
"why did you join the gang?"

  

A) (Piratedude69) "-
 I joined the gang in 2002, couldnt find no job man, because i was smokin too much pot eh, bc bud man,  and i was sick of the 5 bedroom basement suite in my parents mansion i was livin in, all by my self, its hard man, people think the budea is where its at man, but its hard real hard"

 (pirates weekly magazine)- 
 Q) "How do the ranks work, in terms, of, high archy, and do you have to fight to get in?

 A) (piratedude69)- " Well, as for high archy, i still havnt read that part in the pirates guide yet, acually im not quite in the gang, i just kinda say i am, witch is what i herd the gang represents, bullshittin, u know what W.C.P like to say, "big fishin it", 
  I met the head dude, in 2002 who said to me, 
"is the grass really greener on the outher side?, I'll tell ya right now, W.C.P side is not green at all, actually its usually grey, darkishh wet looking, mutherfu@#$r,

 No pink flamingo's taking a shower under rainbow's, from the sweet summer sprinkler, 
 No soft grass padding Calais-less feet mutha fuc#$rs, as you play bochi ball, just real a stinky posse ready to buss some sea cucumbers!"
 then he disappeared into the nights fog eh, i havnt seen him since, actually i havent left the dock.

 The more me and the gang member talked the more i realized that this gang is one of the largest and only growing seamen gangs in the world, and the founder, who goes by the name sonsun, and who is the author of the, "pirates guide to alternative yachting", is said to have no links to Somalian or Philippine pirates,  that they are too lazy to loot, rob, shoot, or extortion with any effort, that you would have to tie your self up and throw yourself in the bilge, because it is said, that any other way is too much effort,  and some have even said, they dont really do anything, because of constant marijuana smoking, and beer drinking.
   We wanted to question the illusive sonsun, but we  haven't found him to question him, so until i do, lock up your daughters, and hide your Canada election signs, 
  this is judfee morun kepgon, reporting from pirate weekly. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

PIRATES TRYING TO GET IT UP





I once had a erection problem,

 (see photo below)



and this erection problem i solved with a pole i wedged at my bace, i pulled my block, but  the trick is when yer tuggin on yer block, u may notice the erection leaning to one side,
you will need help from 2 guys on either side of 

you, that will help hold it strait, its heavier then it looks, if you pull on the block hard enuf  you will               get it up!


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

          my pride and joy  pwd 315, (note the 20 horse on the back to make it a legal motor vessel)@ 4500 sq feet

   The pirates guide to alternative yachting

   You may find uther pirates guides, but there not  on how to become a "proper pirate", only with proper ethics, "C.O.C" codes of conduct,(see chapters 6), We can legally liveaboard forever
  It is my honer to share my 22 years of consistant sailing, in all conditions, for some of the most difficult sailing is closer to home then you think!
Please enjoy the guide to the guide, the original guide is in book form, being finished verry soon buy it!! you will always find helpfull hints!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

BIG ASSHOLE IN THE WATER, WE THROW OUR MONEY INTO!!! AKA GOING NO WHERE SLOWLY UNDER GREAT EXPENCE!

my floating hotel, pwd 315 saltspring isl, year 2000 somthin
*******************************************

The hardest thing about wanting to be a proper pirate, is dealing with financial loss and not even a tony robins book will prepare you for what your going to be enduring for the rest of yer salty life.

  Our point is to embrace the alternative aspects in yachting, i.e poverty, enfameanality, also known as- reputatering.
A- we become succsessfull by getting our boats on the front cover of the paper," note news paper clip above"
B- were healthier then ronald mcdanald, and we harldy get sick because no bacteria can  live in our system, too toxic, its our high content of salt cod, beer"40oz of OE" and digested diesil.
C- we are friggin happy, it just looks like were miserable.
  financial loss, has its perks, 
A- nobody can take anything from you, 
B- the obvious, have nothing to lose
MAJOR BONUSES !!!! 
Its nice me not having anything worth value to people, or me!
  second of all,  if my boat sinks, i know it wasnt  that shit hot expensive so.. i dont really cry as much as when i was a hottie yachtie 2002-03, and my 36 foot islander, smashed to peaces on a unfriendly shoal,.. and it wasnt a cheip boat, so i cryied like a little school girl, very un pirate like, but, its not easy to attain a nice boat. 
  So now i know not to get anything worth value, boat, skiff, bling, ext..ext,  It becomes alot easier to become a liveaboard, if we take the proper steps in dealing with financial loss now!, And come to terms with it, unless yer larry elison.
  fallow my book and you will succeed!!! 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

PIRATES PRIDE!! THE NEOPHYTE FLUX

Its a pirates pride, a  sticky grip that has the stench of  the rotting ocean floor that has seeped into the depths of our soul, breeding nomatic scoundrels everywhere.
 If the boats not sunk, dont get off it, if it aint broke, then brake it, and learn to fix it, because its all but a part and parcel of becoming a proper pirate, the stench, the harsh austerities in vain, and of course the bigginers 
constant mistakes as i like to call the"neophyte flux" witch is where it all begins,
 Yer first jib sheet caught in yer prop, 
yer first motor to fall of your braket,
yer first mast snapin, or yer first time getting wacked by the boom.
  The neophyte flux is the golden time, discovering unimaginable sunsets reflecting of the translucent sea, the first time making nukie in the luminescence with a norwegin mermaid.
The adrenalin rush of yer first major storm, not knowing yer limits, and discovering them to be not a hell of a lot, nothing keeps you alive more then knowing theres 3 8ths between you and being crab baite.
 Having yer first anything is always a touch and go, either it was a bad experience  or a good one, either way its an experience and you will go thru it all, see it as a devastating knock down 
is yer greatest teacher, not just teaching you what not to do while yer sailing, but, how to act in stressfull conditions, new feelings new emotions, felt like nothing you ever felt, or even could imagine, and come out with yer wife and passengers intact, also know as "dont freak out!", you will make it! just keep sayin "i think ican i think ican"  

   In this guide, i will teach you how to embrace theatrical terror, for when 5 foots waves seem big, and you make it thru, 7 foot waves become not so bad, when you conquered 30 footers, the 15 footers seem not so bad, and the 10 footers are easy, its all in the eyes of the beer holder!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

IV GOT THE BIGGIST FISH!!!!!


                     page 1 “there are 2 kinds of people out there,  the ones who tell the stories and the one who listen to the stories.”-me

 my boat on the mud in fulford harbor saltspring island 2008

“ a well dressed fool looks good from a distance as long as they don’t speek”- 

’this is capt big man in big boat, I suggest you get yer spot light outa my face or im gunna run you down, over,
 roger that,  this is little man in big light house, yer call, over”- 

 Have you ever liked the smell of diesel wafting tru the air on a cold winter day?, have you ever looked at your hands, and they looked like dragon claws? Have you ever wanted to know what its like to live in the washing machine? If you answered yes to anyone of these questions, then I think you have what it takes to become an, avid sufferer!, a sea men, a scally wag, seadog, pirate!
This guide will teach you how to eat sleep, breath and shit sailing, and to redefine the “pirate”, not really, " re- defining it", but bring it back to its original format, as in," having codes of conducts", moral ethics, ext ext, like never initiating a wave to a bayliner, or not peeing to windward, the term i use is "alternative yachting" , which means to eat sleep breath and shit outside the box, to deliberately inflict unnecessary suffering on ourselves in sheer poverty, just for the sake of the story, the big fish story is in all man’s blood since time immemorial and im here to re instate the maritime tradition of exaggerating long stories that wind up in near death experience at every turn.
 The only thing that has changed, is the modern laws, stealing is commandeering, and commandeering, is illegal they say, there are legal loop holes, you will learn in this guide, and as much as I hate to say it we do need to fallow some laws, even though some are not implicated feduarally and are just rumors for intimadation, and can be challenged, but the major ones that are obvious, we need to work with in it, for its better to be out sailing then behind bars, we are more useful out making good stories, not the same old borind soap on the rope stories.
As a pirate, the sea is the goal, riches is seen by a glowing sun set, with the soft luff of our main, the gold coins just sink us quicker with all that weight but in my life, at this time, it all just makes sense, a "proper pirate" is the ultimate freedom fighter and marter. The ones who robs, kill or mames, are just murderers and thugs, “pirates”, the "real", ones were noble, i dont need to go into names, because everything is debatable, so the point is, its time to bring back a culture of adventure and mystical opportunities, That hold a high honor of respect among the yachting world, what defines us is the morals and ethics we hold living aboard, which does not correspond with ideology of modern pirates, but lubbers use the word "pirate" differently than i do, as in killers and theivs, but my version is right and im the capt and im always right, so thru this guide, the freedom can be yours, but the only way to really do it is thru alternative yachting, and the by- product of that, is becoming a proper pirate, and the end result, is a life time of never ending stories. So become a proper pirate and together we keep a dying way of life alive! "freedom”!!.
we have critics, but the glory about being a pirate is u don’t care, the message is we learn to sail by doing it wrong, hard and unprepared, where is the fun in not getting lost, or not almost dying in hourly intravals, you get a hell of a lot more exsursize, and experience by bailing a sinkin boat out with a rusty wok or pumping profusely with the wale gusher, lazy yachtys with atomatic bilge pumps and radar, are fat and lazy, all of them! We call it “bayliner belly”, and wheres the fun in that?, inmast electric furling, electric witches, budaes, gps, radar ato helm all linked to gether telling you when to take a nether shit! Fancy flags that no one can read, skiffs that are worth more then some countries! Critics eh?, when they see us pass, guaranteed thell remember you!, prob because they called cost guard on a boat in distress! But atleast you stood out enuf to be rememberd and seen!


PIRATES PRIDE PREVAILS!!! 

I will explain step by step on how to become a proper pirate thru out the book, but first we will start by training you for livingaboard a leaky coffin with sails, which is a lot tuffer then the pictuesc charters you see in the Caribbean, sippin margaritas on tupperware boats,  living aboard takes a sertin person, and im tellin ya, its not for every one, but with the proper training you can do anything, life is short, might as well shorten it!.


Add caption
rNow im assuming you have sailed a skiff once or twice, mabe a lazer, or dory from grampa, maby dads 25 ft thunderbird, if not, well, its just unfortunate, ok, forget sailing, lets say, u have very minimal or no liveaboard expirience, you dont need to know how to sail to live a board, like my girlfriends lived aboard with me for years and none of them new how to sail after, cause they were too busy in the galley.  liveaboard is just living on a boat, plain and simple, there are old fishing boats with no engines, old barges with shacks on them, house boats ext, i even made a little island outa scrapp ammas from a sunkin triamaran, lashed together with logs thru a 22 foot clinker with a hole in it and lived onnit for a summer, id live in a barrel on the sea if i could, that’s what im trying to breed.



Training for alternative yachting-
  Lets say you have a wife 2.5 kids a dog, and a traditional picket, fence , First take your family, and pack, a weeks’ worth of non-perishable/ dehydrated/ astronaut/ dog food like sustenance and jam yourselves  in to the closet for a month, because we are passive people and believe in non-violence, we do not eat the .5 kid, or anyone for that matter, its just uncool,  and so 1800s, but, canabalism on board is not uncommon, a lot of wifes, or maby husbands have bin devoured, just for the sake of properly digarding of the body, but most cases have bin in tragic starving stories, so that’s why we stick around the gulf islands, and not far from the dock. you will need to practice, the tight, wet, cold miserable, fatigue vertigo like sickness that drives us forward,  its ananomaly,“suffering is good for you” and I don’t care who you are, you will suffer, gods mighty hand will crash down on you, its inevitable , you can have the best, and most expensive boat, in the world  like  larry ellision in the Sydney- Hobart  race, (disaster) 1998 on his maxi class sloop, a huge hurricane slamed into them, killing 6 racers, and he prayed that hed change his helicopter pad into a basketball court,  he didn’t think he’d make it, even aboard his 80 foot sloop “ sayonara”,  all I know it was a big ass boat, And hes prayin! weepin and a wailin, now on the outher hand  Imagine being stuck on a small leaky boat with your inlaws, with out the proper training, youl never make it without losing a gasket, and entering the world of phyco shit,  screaming and chaos all around for hours, the inlaws thanking yer gunna sink, and thinkin  you took em out to, off them,  but luckily they jumped over board befor the boat actually sinks, maby, a little help from the all wise capt, but amazingly enuf its ironic that the coast guard usually finds boats empty, for the passengers jump over befor it sinks, and that’s a product of loosin it, and when yer crew loses it, “exaggerating the severity of the conditions help”, once inna a while ill yell “were all gunna die”, when were doin ok, it’s a really funny spot to be in,  to see the faces of the green horn when they think there doomed, and when it does come time to abandon the sinkin vessle remember the golden rule, don’t get into the life raft, unless you have to step up into it!  what I do is, I get this, zen like “ignorance” state of mind, wheres nothing is happening, budda had good anger management skills, “nothins wrong”, so, ingnorance is the primary objective, so that they will find you and not the inlaws.
 We need to train militant like, if you can fit into a washing machine and keep it running for 3 days strait, I would suggest that’s one way to practice, or put yer self in prison for a year, all though prison, is easier on the psyche, but still compares in a lot of ways,  I do believe prisoners should be sentenced to sailing around the roaring 40s or screamin 50s, for a year, just a year, once they hit the docks, thed never do a nether crime again, probably be bible thumpers after.
Training for alternative yachting is more mental than physical, , like we are mental, and have no physic, we go bald fast, and our Molson mussel seems to turn from a 6 pack to a 8 pack and now im looking like a 15 pack, border line pregnet, but the grey hairs are usually salt incrusted hairs, so im lucky there, but excepting it, that is the first step,  I think the hardest thing to train for is a life time of being financially challenged.
Dealing with financial loss-
Back to phycology, and dealing with financial loss, because a boat is like pack man eating money, chomp chomp chomp, and when you look at where its going, and all you got with that money, you want to rap the anchor around your legs and throw yer self over, very hard at first to be dirt ass poor and knowing that every penny we ever do miraculously  get, is flung into the bottomless bilge and devoured by the hungry monsters that live down there, that is all they eat, is money, and if they don’t get it, they chew the gaskets off yer sea cocks.
Nothing really prepares you for being financially challenged, youv read all the self help books by tim robbins, and still your going to wake up with chines water torture on yer fore head. 




DIS YER RAGGAMUFFIN TING PRIRATES PRIDE

video
RADIOMAN FREESTYLIN, PRIRATES PRIDE

PIRATES PRIDE, REGGAE!!!!!!!

video
 FROM THE BOWELS OF PORT ROYAL ITS A PIRATES TING

RIGGS


 Types of riggs and styles-
Sloop: a Bermuda or gaff mainsail lifted by a single mast with a single jib bent onto the forestay, held taut with a backstay. The mainsail is usually managed with a spar on the underside called a "boom". One of the best-performing rigs per square foot of sail area and is fast for up-wind passages. This rig is the most popular for recreational boating because of its potential for high performance. On small boats, it can be a simple rig. On larger sloops, the large sails have high loads, and one must manage them with winches or multiple purchase block-and-tackle devices
my 21 ft half pint 
  Sloops are usually pretty friggin efficient in to the wind, and make sailing look like golfing  just anether average , joe boat, tea in off! , anyway not to say that they suck, but we want to stand out, and a sloop, not so much.






  Cutter: like a sloop but  with two or more headsails in the foretriangle. Better than a sloop for light winds, it is also easier to manage, due to the sail area being split up between smaller sails which require less force to trim as compared to the larger single jib of the sloop. The mast is located at about 50% of boat length. Cutters are good on broad reaches, and in light wind, cutters make good pirate boats because of the extra sails, iv even rigged jury rigged sloops with a bow sprit and thru out a head sail, on a broad reach only.






Schooner: (a) A fore-and-aft rigged sailing vessel having at least two masts, with a foremast that is usually smaller than the other masts. (b) Originally, a small, sharp-built vessel, with two masts and fore-and-aft rig. Sometimes it carried square topsails on one or both masts and was called a topsail schooner. this was my 30 murrey Peterson schooner Heidi 

  • To be honest my gaff rigg schooner was a pig, to meny sheets, to much work not for lazy sailors who wanna get anywhere that year.



  • Topsail Schooner: a schooner having one or more square-rigged sails on its foremast, but still having gaff-rigged main sails on all masts.
Topsail schooner has the right of way!

Yawl :::::: like a sloop or catboat with a mizzen mast located aft (closer to the stern of the vessel) of the rudder post. The miz zen is small, and is intended to help provide helm balance

yawls are better then a ketch cuz, the mizzin is behind you, so its one less crack to the head.

  • Ketch: like a yawl, but the mizzenmast is often much larger, and is located forward of the rudder post. The purpose of the mizzen sail in a ketch rig, unlike the yawl rig, is to provide drive to the hull. A ketch rig allows for shorter sails than a sloop with the same sail area, resulting in a lower center of sail and less overturning moment. The shorter masts therefore reduce the amount of ballast and stress on the rigging needed to keep the boat upright. Generally the rig is safer and less prone to broaching or capsize than a comparable sloop, and has more flexibility in sailplan when reducing sail under strong crosswind conditions—the mainsail can be brought down entirely (not requiring reefing) and the remaining rig will be both balanced on the helm and capable of driving the boat. The ketch is a classic small cargo boat






Now a ketch, is just too much work, and havin 2 booms in front of ya is freaky!

catboat:* a sailboat with a single mast and single sail, usually gaff-rigged. This is the easiest sail-plan to sail, and is used on the smallest and simplest boats. The catboat is a classic fishing boat. A popular movement among home-built boats uses this simple rig to make "folk-boats." One of the advantages of this type is that it can be rigged with no boom to hit one's head or knock one into the water. However, the gaff requires two halyards and often two topping lifts. The weight of the gaff spar high in the rigging can be undesirable. The gaff's fork (jaws) is held on by a rope threaded through beads called trucks (US) or parrel beads (UK). The gaff must slide down the mast, and therefore prevents any stays from bracing the mast. This usually makes the rig even heavier, requiring yet more ballast.
  •  


































  • cat boats look funny with no cables,ie shrouds or stays, i dont know man, but seems pritty freaky.

  • Junk: the standard Chinese design: The sails are made flat with bamboo inserts (battens), permitting them to sail well on any point of sail. Easy to sail, and reasonably fast. The nature of the rig places no extreme loads anywhere on the sail or rigging, thus can be built using light-weight, less expensive materials. Some of the largest sailing ships ever constructed were junks for the Chinese treasure fleets. Junks also customarily had internal water-tight rooms, kept so by not having doors between them. Usually they were constructed of teak or mahogany

  •  Junks arnt junky, they are the easiest riggs to sail, i would argue about how good they are into windward, because there pritty dam good, try it.

  • Brig: two masts, both square-rigged with a spanker on the mainmast, and we all love to be spanked!
  •  
  •  Gaff rig[1] is a sailing rig (configuration of sails) in which the sail is four-cornered, fore-and-aft rigged, controlled at its peak and, usually, its entire head by a spar (pole) called the gaff. The gaff enables a fore and aft sail to be four sided, rather than triangular, and as much as doubles the sail area that can be carried by that mast and boom (if a boom is used in the particular rig). Additionally, for any given area of sail, the gaff rig will have a lower heeling moment than a triangular sail, lower center of gravity see (CE)- (CLR)) in chpter 3.  junk riggs, lattens, luggs, gaff- pic above is my 30 atkin gaff rigg cutter, again like my gaff rigg scooner, pigs int the wind, but there heavy and look pirateish, there hard to sail, that’s why we tend to lean towards thes sluggs.
  • http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/14/Bermuda_rig_-_17th_Century_woodcut.jpg/200px-Bermuda_rig_-_17th_Century_woodcut.jpglatteen rigg, again a classic , scally wagg rigg, crappy into windward, and looks sloppy, I personally have never sailed a lateen

Monday, April 22, 2013

WHEN YACHTIES ATTACK!!!

WE DEFEND, WE STAND

PIRATES GUIDE TO ALTERNATIVE YACHTING MUTHA FUKAAZ

JAAAAHHHHH RASTAFARI

Today, i decide to post one of most typical, bayliner yachtie, there is, i had an ad on used victoria, for early bookings for chartering my 33 foot triamaran, and this is an email i got from him,lol.... ."...toejoe@shaw.ca says: between the terrible grammar, the spelling mistakes, and the all-but-confession that you are a pothead, there is no way I would trust you to in a swimming pool with a inflatable toy, let alone charter a boat with you as skipper. Irresponsible clowns like you give real sailors a bad name. Let's see your Transport Canada certification, masters licence and proof of insurance. To advertise like you have shows an absolute absence of intelligence.

yeaaaa bwoooy!!

AAAAhhh back on track, sailing, sailing and sailing!!! 2013!!!!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

back again

WELL IM BACK AGAIN, land locked for for a cup of joe, pint some laughs and gone again, victoria british columbia, is fallin down the shitter, no real mariners, just upper lip scupper smiles, i vow for as long as i live, i will remain outside the box, forever cast into the pits of raging seas!, much easier to deal with, then people!!!! october is coming in like a lion!, sailed 600 miles this past few months, northern gulf islands, still the greatest place on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

i have bin cheeepin out on wrighting,

Well, it seems i never get back on my blog and tell the world of my progress, i am still the worlds number one scally wag, wether im fighting my brother at sea, fighting the sea, or fighting me, i still seem to make it out alive, i would like to enter more posts, but have patience, for i live on my boat on anchor and my lap top sometimes goes wonky, but if you love sailing, and you r like me, an complete addict of adrenaline and boardom, then read my blog!, good, 4 u

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

mutany of the "main squeez"

well, all in all months after my last entry, i battled the winter, today i had court over alchohol consumption after a violent altercation with my brother on that january evening, for either i kill him defending my life or i call the cops, for he tried to throw me over board,so i did, i called them, iv never needed them, acually i dislike them, any way, as the oldest brother i use to beat him up as a youth and he never got over that, meny years later we sit in the middle of the gulf islands tearing my boat apart, long story short, i got arrested, charged with impaired driving, as a pirate it is traditional, obviously to consume copious amounts of alcohol, ganja or tobbaco, it is very dificult to live in modern sociaty and be a proper pirate, but we need to be vigulant!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Im back!

Well after 5 months of being boatless, i had goton a 25foot reinell, and a olimpic dolphin 22.5 foot fiberglass sailboat, the reinell was free,the dolphin was 3000.
Any who, i will keep updates of my voyages,as this week i planon going to the southern gulf islands,for i was just laid off my construction job, and tears are not coming down my cheeks! Presently docked at oakbay marina victoria canada.
I look forward in keeping you updated in the adventures i endure.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

IS SON MANDELIN, FOR REAL?

AWWW, here i am again, writing on my blog, hoping the right person reads this blog,
and is inspired to go and get a leaky woodin boat, and learn to bail with a old rusty cooking wok!, or travel the world owing money at every dock that you sleped at with out paying, or walking into a coffee shop, smelling like desile, and evacuating the place!,
and just maby, one day i will run into that person in the middle of the harbor, poking a large gaping whole in there hull!!!

Monday, November 26, 2007